Want to blow your mind with some genuinely shocking knowledge? Olly Murs has had FIVE studio albums. Olly Murs, the living embodiment of a white man’s mid-life crisis, has written and released five whole bodies of work.
The tragic part of his 32-singles-since-2012 career is the fact that the general public couldn’t name a single track and that is where I, an unapologetic Olly Mursmega fan, shuffle in. How many have I downloaded, saved and frankly enjoyed? Every single one.
Allow me to remind you of his timeless classic with Demi Levato, ‘Up’. Where did he even meet Demi Levato. What business did he have in LA recording tunes with her? Clearly, this is evidence that even the Hollywood elite aren’t immune to his sweaty charm and I’m not either. I straight up adore ya, Olly.
He’s awkwardly body popped his way onto tracks with Rizzle Kicks, Flo Rida and if ‘Dear Dalrin’ didn’t rip your heart out then, sorry, you don’t have one. I like hearing about Olly and his cringey antics. If anything, I look forward to seeing his poorly timed posts. I get off on that ‘Oh what’s that embarrassing middle-aged bastard up to now?’ feeling. I fucking live for it.
Any man who can make Snoop Dogg himself put down his spliff, undo Martha Stewart’s apron and go ‘you know what? A white man in a pork pie hat needs me for a collaboration’ will forever be a god in my eyes. I’m not ashamed. I will live my life converting more people to the awkward, forgettable church of Mr. Murs.
I want to see him turn on every single Christmas light in the UK. I want to see him host every pointless spin-off from mainstream reality shows. Heck Get him his own channel! I’d listen to him still pretend to be cockney all day if I could. If he throws in the odd crooner that I, my auntie AND my nan could enjoy? Who am I to say no?
In a world where we lose more and more X Factor rejects to old racist / homophobic tweets someone found from 2007, all I ask is we take a moment to appreciate Oliver Stanley Murs for the boring, beige and unproblematic king he is.
