A festive twist on your weekly Round-Up: behold some of our favourite Christmas songs to get merry to. Deck the fuckin’ halls.
Bob Dylan – Must Be Santa
Poet-cum-christmas cheer bringer. Excellent. There’s nothing better than Robert Zimmerman, a man the world holds so highly, lowering himself to a Christmas album. Forget all of his best works, forget Blood On The Tracks, Times They Are A-Changin, Highway 61 Revisited, all the works that regularly hit media outlets ‘top 50 albums’ lists. This is it. This is the kind of stuff that wins you a Nobel Prize For Literature people!
Brad Callow – Christmas Is All Around (from Love Actually)
Changing the word ‘love’ to the word ‘Christmas’ in an already hit song and exploiting it for gobs of money? Bloody brilliant—more artists should take cues from Bill Nighy. I’m officially calling for a Pat Benatar release of ‘Christmas is a Battlefield’ and a revival from The Darkness called ‘I Believe in a Thing Called Christmas’. All you need is Christmas, after all—ain’t that right, Ringo?
Crazy Frog – Last Christmas
Like Mariah Carey, but on techno-infused steroids—and performed by something fictional. The time when Crazy Frog was an actual thing was a major low point, but you can’t deny that it was something so irritating that you couldn’t help but listen to its weirdly intriguing renditions. It’s an insult to the memory of George Michael and noughties culture in general, but nevertheless, it frogging slaps.
Feet – Vegetarian Christmas
Feet use their typical sideways look on life to walk you through the Christmas build-up, and it’s a hell of a story. The weirdest Christmas song of all time. Feet don’t eat meat.
Lady Gaga – Christmas Tree
When you think about ‘sexy’ Christmas music—hey, I don’t judge—the first song that probably comes to mind is ‘Santa Baby’. You may have forgotten, but Gaga actually released the ultimate sexy Christmas song about ten years ago, and it deserves to be resurrected. I mean, nothing says “Happy Holidays” like taking off your stockings and spreading Christmas cheer.
Mac DeMarco – Wonderful Christmas Time
Okay, okay, I’ve got my vintage gear on, I’ve got my cig out and a snapback on in the pub at closing time: “It is a bloody brilliant cover. It’s got the fingerprints of DeMarco all over it: the lo-fi, half-empty production, the slightly ironic lyrical delivery, it’s all there… Mac does McCartney proud. Snapbacks off to him.” End of.
Molly Burch – Last Christmas
The table’s set, roasties in the oven, guests are already three wines deep: it’s Christmas at Molly’s house. This jolly, musical-theatre-esque take on the George Michael classic has our spirits soaring ahead of schedule. Don’t be a Scrooge.
Pale Waves – Last Christmas
Hands up if you want a Gothic Christmas. Pale Waves slapped their black nail varnish and leather jackets onto the hands and shoulders of George Michael, bringing a darker albeit fresh approach to this classic.
Pizzagirl – Pizza For Christmas
Tired of turkey? Sick of sprouts? Go deep-dish at the recommendation of our beloved Pizzagirl. This track carries his usual delicious 80s feel, with a melancholy take on the season’s festivities. A bit like a stuffed crust version of Mud’s ‘Lonely This Christmas’: more exciting and a hell of a lot tastier.
Scouting For Girls – Elvis Ain’t Dead (Xmas Version)
I remember someone telling me this existed a few years back, to my absolute elation. If you haven’t heard it, it’s exactly the same as the original—just more of a piano version that features some violin and a few jingle bells. Tis a mere festive sprinkling on top of an already iconic song. Hilarious.
The Cheeky Girls – Have A Cheeky Christmas
How does one even have a cheeky Christmas? By being laughably abysmal, according to this track. You probably had a little dance to it when the raunchy video was played on 4Music in your nan’s house around Christmas—only to awkwardly fume when you turned around to face the telly and realise the sheer explicitness of the visuals—but it deffo belongs in the seasonal song bin. A true festive flop. I think I’ll pass on “Getting sexy in the snow” this year.
The Killers – Don’t Shoot Me Santa Claus
I don’t know what Brandon Flowers did to get on the naughty list, but having to beg Santa not to kill you means you’ve probably been a bit of a bellend that year. Santa also sounds a bit coked up on this track, which may explain the sudden desire to shoot people. Brandon begs for forgiveness. Not sure whether it works—he’s still alive though, must’ve worked. It’s an anti-Christmas song, this one, which makes it the best type of Christmas song. Bah fuckin’ humbug.
The Pogues – Fairytale of New York
This is not just a good Christmas song. It is a fantastic song that happens to be about Christmas, and elevates itself over its company with aplomb. The frostbitten, unforgiving streets of 1980s NYC are at once a far more imaginable reality and idealised spectre; ‘Fairytale of New York’ bridges the gap between being a ballad of genius, and a table-thumping anthem for the dispossessed and unpretentious.
The Royal Guardsmen – Snoopy vs The Red Baron
This song takes two lovely things in their own right: Christmas, and Charles Schultz’s ‘Peanuts’, combining them into a glorious, under-the-radar folk tune about Snoopy fighting as a WWI pilot. Fun fact: Schultz sued the group for using Snoopy’s name without permission and ultimately won. Perhaps that’s part of the reason why The Royal Guardsmen never reached Mariah Carey status when it came to Christmas music.
The Smashing Pumpkins – Christmastime
It might be a good few years old now, but this dreamy tune shall not be forgotten. Oozing sleepy festive vibes, the blissful lyrics and quiet sleigh bells are a far cry from Christmas favourites, in only the best way.
Wolf Alice – Santa Baby
This cheeky classic is given a grungy revamp, yet it’s a surprisingly relaxing listen with a nostalgic tone. Fans of the band will love, as will those who find the original a little overplayed.
A few of these guys feature in our latest magazine—treat yourself with an early Christmas present by grabbing one of our few remaining copies of Vol. 6 HERE.
