If streaming services were people…

Nowadays most people have hopped onto the streaming services bandwagon. Gone are the days of converting Youtube videos into mp3 files on some very dodgy looking website (that most likely gave you some terrible virus) in order to have your top tunes on your phone. But, if your streaming service was a person what would they be like? And more importantly, would you even want to hang out with them?

Apple Music: The rich kid. Kitted out with everything from Apple. Apple Watch, iPhone, MacBook Pro and of course Apple music. Exclusively drinks at Starbucks and would never be seen dead in a Costa. Still gets an allowance from the bank of mum and dad every week despite being due to inherit their father’s fortune any day now. Wears Ralph Lauren, definitely owns a Gucci belt and loves Supreme. Pretentious and arrogant.

Amazon: The friend no-one really wants around. Tries to do good as much as possible and just wants to help but no-one really has time for them. Thrilled when their Instagram gets over 11 likes as it means somebody likes them. Shy and quiet but just wants to be loved. Wears socks with sandals in the summer. Most likely a teacher’s pet.

Deezer: Worse than the kid no-one wants around. Phone never has any notifications. Spends all day watching Netflix as they have no-one to hang out with. Lives like a hermit, dislikes going outside so is very pale. Has 37291 mugs, plates, bowls and dishes in their room as they rarely leave cause what’s the point.

Spotify: Dark fruits twitter. Only into ‘real’ music. Often seen wearing a band t-shirt of a band that they’ve barely even heard of. Thinks everything is a mood or is #relatable. Is adamant that music sounds better on vinyl yet still streams only through Spotify and doesn’t own a record player. Shops in Urban Outfitters frequently despite claiming that most of their clothes are ‘vintage’. Only ever types in lowercase as it’s cooler. Can be found having a breakdown in the corner on a weekly basis and still thinks Catfish are innovative.

TIDAL: The hip, indie kid. Richy rich in comparison to Apple Music. Only wears and does as Kanye does, because we are only mere mortal disciples. Likes to take the moral high ground, and owns several pairs of Yeezy’s.

Youtube: The new kid on the block. No-one quite knows how to act around them. They have an air of mystery surrounding them. The one people whisper about as they walk by. Probably plays the guitar. The only social media they use is Reddit. Keeps themselves to themselves. Listens to The Smiths. Is into florals.

So there you have it, your streaming services as people. Not sure I’d want to hang out with any of them but if the alternative is going back to converting Youtube videos to mp3’s then it looks like we’re all stuck with at least one of them…

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